Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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