clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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