I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
