onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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