R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
