my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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