Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
