I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh god it's open bar.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
