Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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