just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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