so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
