She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
