Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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