im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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