she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
