Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
