i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just invented taco cereal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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