how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
