This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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