After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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