If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
