I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
