how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you will always have a special place in my vag
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
