Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
