So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
