Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
