My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Moan for me like Helen Keller
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
