Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
