Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
