i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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