You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
