i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
