Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
