Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
