I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
