The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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