the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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