Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
