I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
