It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
