Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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