It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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