Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
