There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
