it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
