Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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