He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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