??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
