Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
