I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
