Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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