i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
