My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i dont even know how to be here
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
